MEMOIR

The darkness of the room was impinged by the light, that the window was transferring from outside. The window was emitting a pale and dull street light, which threw streaks of light on the opposite wall of the room. Gradually, before she could have realized what was happening, the structure of the window began melting away. Melting into the darkness of the room. And the light started receding back. The silhouette of the objects in the darkness, were drifting away. Getting beyond her reach. Her eyes could follow the distance. But they were getting away from her. Away from the reach of her touch. Light retained the constancy in its beams. But the source of it was slipping away. It was covering millions of miles in every fragment of a second. Soon the distance exceeded the moon’s distance from the earth. And this distance, she could feel in her every limb.

She was afraid. Afraid that everything might leave her behind. That every iota of this universe might collapse into the vastness. Leaving her alone. Alone amidst nothing. In the vacuum of an immeasurable space. The magnanimity of it haunted her. She wanted to shriek. Shriek at the highest pitch of her voice. But her voice failed her. It was painful. Like a dream, where you want help and want to shriek, but can not produce any voice. Yet, she wanted to shout. Shout, to disturb this musical flow of things.

As the palpable world was falling away, a sense of loneliness crept over her. The solidarity of the world was shattered. But as the things got on the verge of disapparation, she yelled at the pitch of her voice. Her yell disturbed the rhythm. The rhythm that whole world seemed to be following in. Strangely enough, even she had felt the coarseness and needlessness of it. But now the falling world had come together. Things were proximate once more. But the trance of that distance, hadn’t betrayed her yet. She heard a voice, in a loud whisper, calling at her. It was asking her what was happening. She couldn’t bring out words from her mouth, till the question was repeated a few times. Then she forced out a fragmented sentence, in a faint voice “papa.. .. papa.. .. Everything is drifting away.. .. away from me.” She heard the consolatory words “no my child. Nothing is away. I am near you. See? Here, touch my hand.” She touched the parental hand, tender with affection. It retrieved the feeling of solidarity in her. The broken pieces of the lost world, were falling into their place. Things once more coagulated to solidify. And now, she was awake. But awake from what? No one could tell, if she could not. Her eyes had been wide open all this while. How many whiles, she had no idea. She heard her mother calling “what happened my child? What was it?” “Everything was thawing into the darkness. Look at the window. Its light has been receding”. “Must have been a very bad dream. Come, sleep my baby. Everything is fine now. It was just a nightmare. Here, I am by your side. See? “

She didn’t say anything anymore, and closed her eyes. This was much better. She fell into the drizzling reality of dreams. Not once, she had this vision many times. . Frequently, she saw the bleak margin, that dissevers the dream from reality dissolving…She dreaded it. Then she began loving this strange feeling, coming to her. She waited for it. Even tried to evoke it herself. It made her feel that she wasn’t a replica soul. She was original and stood apart from all of the rest. She was meant to see and feel the unknown realities, and not just to live.